i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
