At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
