I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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