Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm passing your future prison.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
