We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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