Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
