four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize