But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize