I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
