I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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