Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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