3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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