I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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