Me too!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize