Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize