He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
