Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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