My nipple is on Facebook.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have already put on my inside pants.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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