Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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