I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i will never coherently bang her
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
