My friends, they love my intelligence
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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