Barsexuality is the new black.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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