My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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