we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
