my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
