why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
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