Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
