May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
