I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
