I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
