this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
