u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
