so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
