I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
