i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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