I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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