covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize