There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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