you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
