I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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