sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize