i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
