I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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