i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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