Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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