My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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