Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
