im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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