If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
