He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
