do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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