the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
