You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
