Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
