Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
