when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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