My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize