He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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