what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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