some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
