My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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