So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
