I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
