At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
