She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
its liver damage thursday
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
