a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
