i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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