I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
