theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
