I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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