Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
