so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
