the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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