Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my shit smells like andre
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
