Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
